Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Losing Half of My Heart

My husband, Chuck, passed away very unexpectedly on March 1, 2017.  I wasn't going to write about in here, but it didn't feel right to try to keep on blogging as though my heart were still whole. 

The preceding 12 months had been horrible for both of us; I lost my sister on March 16, 2016, then Chuck was diagnosed with cancer in June.  He battled it with chemo and radiation and he won.  In December, he was pronounced cancer free.  The chemo took a huge toll on him, taking him down to just about skin and bones, but he was getting stronger with each day that passed in January and February.  But on the morning of March 1st, I couldn't get him to wake up.  His heart, his enormous, kind, loving, giving heart had just stopped.  I know it was absolutely painless for him because he looked so peaceful.  That's what I tell myself anyway...

I'm still having a hard time truly believing that he is gone.  Everything looks the same...and yet nothing is the same.  The animals and I are trying as best we can to adjust to a world without our center...if one can ever "adjust" to something like that.  Right now, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. 


  1. Dear Victoria,
    I am so very sorry to hear about your husbands passing. I realize there are really no words to lift your heart at this time, God knows how much he had to endure with Chemo and radiation, so a peaceful journey from this world is a blessing. He was such a handsome man, with very kind eyes.
    I will keep you in my prayers, I know this empty feeling. My husband lost his long battle with cancer 8 years ago. Some days it seems like it was just yesterday. Please let me know if there ever is a time you just need to talk. I am a good listener.
    My email is on my blog.
    Sending you a gentle hug

  2. I'm sorry to hear of your husband's passing. It sounds like he was a kind man, and that's a lovely photo of him. You really have had a tough year, and my heart goes out to you. It has to be some sort of blessing that your husband died peacefully, but the shock of finding them gone is hard to bear. My father passed away Mar 20, and I know what you mean about accepting the fact that they are really gone. Hugs to you, and I'll say a prayer for you to help you endure these early days. Take care,
    Wendy xox

  3. Dearest Victoria - my heart is breaking for you sweet friend. There are no words that can take away that pain but know that I am praying for you. May you find comfort in knowing Chuck is no longer suffering. Please take care and email me if you need anything. Love Debbie

  4. I am so sorry for your loss, it must be incredibly hard to deal with. Hope the good memories carry you through to peace.

  5. Victoria, I can only imagine the pain and deep sorrow you are experiencing at a time like this. I'm glad you posted about it as I think it helps to let others know about our own sorrows. A handsome man he was and very strong, from your description of his fight to beat the cancer. Treasure all the memories you made together and know that he is in a peaceful place with no worries and pain. My love and prayers for strength for you are coming your way.

  6. Hi Victoria,

    I do know that I am far away from you, but ignoring the distance and just imagining the fine thread that connects each our souls, I am giving you a tight hug.

    We all come from one and go back into that one. And we are all connected, even when we are no longer together.

    Loss of a companion leave behind a lacuna, and the only way to get out of it is to fill it, fill it with fondness and memories of the past, with newer ones and opening our hearts to lives and people - because those who have gone are still looking at us and living on through us.

    Feel the love of your husband and love him back by letting him live the world and do the things he loved through you, with you.

  7. Victoria, you don't know me, but I found you through Debbies blog.
    Your post was heartbreaking and I could feel it. Yes, it is better to get it out there.. Something very big has happened to you and you cannot ignore it. I am so sorry.

  8. Penny, Wendy, Debbie, Mac n'Janet, Carol, Kyra and Barbra Joan, thank you so much for your kind words. They truly do help.


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