It occurred to me today as I was watching yellow leaves being blown from the trees by the wind, that I also am in the Autumn of my life. Time is no longer my friend, no longer 'on my side' as Mick Jagger sang. I can't say I'm in middle age anymore...who lives to be 124? Who would want to? It would be horrible to outlive one's family and friends.
My dearest friend and neighbor has also made a change. No longer is she just down the lane and around the corner from me as she has been since 1978. A few months ago she retired and has now, at her son's insistence, moved to Oregon to be close to him. It makes sense. He is her only family and I know he is much easier in his mind having her close. After she called me today to let me know she and her animals had arrived at their new home safely I walked over to her house, as I have done countless times before. It felt very strange to look at her house and know she is no longer there. Of course, we'll talk often on the phone, but that's a poor substitute, at best, for having a dear friend actually being close by and IN your daily life. Still, it's better than nothing.
If growing up is a process of accumulating, growing old is a process of letting go...and, sometimes, that's really hard.
I think we can feel this way at any age depending on our experiences. I have lost so many people in the past four years I just can't believe it and it hurts ... I do think I also miss "the past", how it was and how circumstances are so very hard right now. Loss is the hardest thing we experience.
ReplyDeleteLove Always,
Jan
You and I have lived the same span of 'reality' Victoria, and making sense of it all is becoming an increasing preoccupation now that the leaves are turning. But maybe the leaves give us the clue. Maybe our bodies are but the leaves clothing the tree of consciousness, that come and grow and flourish and fade and die and come again next year.
ReplyDeleteI think JJ Beazley said it all.
ReplyDeleteJJ, I'll remember what you said; it's a wise and comforting analogy.
ReplyDeleteYou and JJ both said it well -- I'm creeping up on 70 and am astounded to see the old lady in the mirror.
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